My husband's mother died before we got together.  His father died two years ago.  My problem is with the sisters.  They have never been kind to me and treated me like I was beneath them.  I feel uncomfortable going over their houses and they don't come by the home for visits or call my house.  This has been going on for years (10 to be exact).  I have been through very rough pregnancies and with no family of my own here, I have had no support.  My husband has never confronted them about anything and feels as if it's my problem to deal with.  I feel like leaving my husband just so I can be free of his family.  Only the women are like this and one man. 

I was hoping for a loving family relationship but I realize that there's only way I can do this: I would have to be more like them and put them first in my life.  It has been a struggle for years and I am at a loss as to what to do.  My heart is so heavy from this and my husband does nothing.  I feel that he really does not love me enough to stand up for me. 

It sounds like your wife comes from one of those big, warm families everyone wishes they had! I hope my husband and I will be that way when my daughters start bringing boys home.  I'm sorry for your wife's loss (and yours too), as I know how hard it is to get through each of those milestones, especially the first year.

I lost my closest brother recently, and as Thanksgiving was our regular holiday together that's the hardest one for me. It has helped to have a husband who understood how close we were and good friends who stuck close through the (many) worst parts of that period. That, and the research I did for an article I wrote on grieving during that time all seemed to help.

I imagine it's important to your wife that you were also close to her father and will be grieving right alongside her. I hope you're both surrounded by good family and friends during all the important times in the upcoming months.       

All the best, Peter and thanks for giving us that ideal to shoot for as in-laws.

Hi! This is how my father-in-law affected me. John recently passed away at the age of 89. His wife passing away long before then. John had been living with us for 14 years after finding himself without a home and we never regretted a moment. He did enhance our marriage and would when required (not very often) mediate in times of strife without taking sides. He was a good fellow!

From the very first time I meet my soon to be wonderful in-laws in 1972 I was welcomed into their home with open arms. Often sleeping over, helping with jobs around their home and going to family functions. I was also accepted just as well by their 9 children. We had many things in common such as religion and schooling background. Sport also helped immensely.

I wrote about John the other day and excuse me for repeating it here. "John was best described as independent, boyish in character, stubborn at times but fun to be with and extremely popular not only with people of his own age but with the younger generation that came to visit our home.

We have three sons and he enjoyed having them and their friends around. He shared their enthusiasm for life. It also reminded him of his youth and better times.

He watched them grow into adults as he did with his own 9 children. He was a great man.

We would listen to his old war stories for hours on end. As did our children. He was a friend and a wonderful teacher to all of us.

This will be the first Christmas without him. My wife obviously depressed over the loss will not handle this occasion at all very well. I pray that she will be OK.

Although most of us fear death, John looked forward to a time when he could rejoin family and old friends from the past. He knew and accepted that his time here on earth was nearly up.

We were indeed lucky and privileged to have had him around. He will be missed."

My mother-in-law was just as great and never gave me the evil eye. Accepting my faults and giving way to my weird sense of humour. They are both sorely missed. I am very grateful that they came into my life.

I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Regards
Peter

Gina,

I've been married twice. Both of my mother-in-laws are wonderful people (in  very different ways but still wonderful). My first mother-in-law took me under her wing when I married her son at the tender age of 18. She was like a second mother to me.  My current and LAST mother-in-law is one of my best friends and mentors. I've been very lucky in that regard.

These relationship are very important to the success of a marriage in terms of emotional and situational support. When a stable relationship is lacking it can certainly cause friction between all parties involved.

By the way, thank you so much for the referrals coming my way from your  blog. Merry Christmas.

Peace,

Lisa

Hi! I read this with great interest. It has reminded me of another area that is lacking today. With our busy lives and all that comes with it trying to survive, the older generation are being pushed to the side and forgotten in this process. All too often we hear stories of the elderly being found dead at home well after the event. What is lacking is the continued support of the elderly well after their family and friends have passed on themselves. Am I asking too much? I think not - regards Peter