Cath, I can empathize with you. 

I've also experienced bullying in my family as well as in school as a child.  I am sorry for what you are going through; it is extremely hard to know exactly what to do when it comes to extended family like that.  And I know how much more it hurts when it is hurting your own children too.  I think it would be hard for anyone to advise you on what to do about that, but certainly it would be understandable to just try to avoid those who are saying hurtful things to your daughter and you.

I know you don't know me, but I really empathize with you, and I will say a prayer for you.:)

Faith Hoffen

Coming at the end of a large family, I can testify to family bullying. In a story too long to type let me summarize. I have always seen the double standards and different rules for different people within our family, but never had the courage to object to any of it. My mother's philosophy was, don't say anything to cause a fight. Unfortunately, this only applied to those whom she could control. Those who were soft. It meant that the rest of the sisters could say and do whatever they liked. Although this has caused tremendous hurt to some of us, we had no way of dealing with any of it. Lately, I have found it very hard to ignore this bullying. I have tried to find a way to bring my mothers attention to it but she has never been a big fan of anyone having a difference of opinion to her.

I am the youngest in a family of 9 and have travelled in and out the road to my mother's house to take her anywhere she needs to go. I have done this for the last 13yrs and have expected nothing in return. I really thought we had built a good relationship but since trying to bring her attention to the fact that maybe saying nothing is not the right thing, the relationship has deteriorated. I feel really sad about this, but after 38yrs of ignoring things I am determined to stick it out. There are now 3 sisters that no longer speak to one another. My eldest sister no longer speaks to mum. I can see the faults on all sides but when I say this to mum, she gets defencive and sees no fault in herself, although she constantly says she has no problem saying when she wrong. The thing is, she never is. There are a lot in my family like that, unfortunately. They never say sorry for anything they do.

Only very lately, I had to approach one of my sisters. Her daughter has caused my daughter so much anguish that after 2yrs and an incident at their ice-hockey practice, I decided that enough was enough. This sister was my main bully when I was growing up and I decided that my daughter was not going to go down the same painful road as me. She had tried on numerous occasions to stop this herself, but to no avail. Well, how do I say this. She completely lost the plot. She said the most awful things to me, mostly about my husband and daughter. She wanted to hurt me in the most awful way and she did.

We didn't talk for a long while but eventually I did. She never apologised and now it's as if it never happened. But it did and although I have spoken to her again, I cannot forget as easily. I have recently been thinking about staying away altogether. For my daughter's sake and for my own mental health. We'll see how things go.