Cath,

I completely empathize with your situation.  The unfortunate thing about family bullying is that it is not as easy to just walk away or to stand up for oneself. Otherwise, every family occasion and moments in life that should be joyous celebrations become ugly battle grounds.  Those of us that value family tend to tolerate more and so family bullies get away with more and cause more damage. 

I recently realized that I have spent all of my 20s and most of my 30s being bullied and watching those around me being manipulated.  I come from a family of 6 and my bully is my older sister.  For whatever reason, I am the focus of her bullying and not my other siblings.  Her bullying tactics include constant petty verbal attacks, outright mean spirited comments, lying and manipulating others, and encouraging friction within the family.  My sister literally gets a happiness high when she sees the chaos and hurt she causes.

My parent’s way of dealing with it to ask me to just ignore it and to ask my other siblings to also just ignore it so that tension within the family is minimized and that we remain a family—this is after they tried to talk to the bullying sister and were met with denial and hostility.  It has caused so much hurt and anguish in my life.  After 10 years of bearing it, I begun to experience panic attacks and nightmares as family events approached but would force myself to go. I felt obligated.  

I recently realized that life, my life, was not worth living with a situation like that and that my siblings actions would most likely never change.  I also realized that my other siblings and parents would remain bystanders, perhaps they are just afraid of becoming the next target.  I now severely limit my interaction with my family.  While it is not how I would like things to be, I have never experienced such peace, joy, and a new found appreciation of all that life has to offer. I look back and wish I had taken this difficult step earlier because it has really hacked at my soul. I applaud you for taking the step that you are taking for yourself and your daughter, and am sad that we have this common experience. I wish you all the best.