In Shakespeare's MacBeth, Malcolm advises the bereaved MacDuff to "Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." This was not bad advice—but while psychologists agree that narrative is an important step on the road back from trauma and grief, there is much more that comes into play. Over the past decade, science has brought us closer than we've ever been to understanding what goes on in the brain when we experience certain emotions and mental states. In fact, technology now allows scientists to see what goes on materially in the brain when we have certain feelings. There is still much to understand, but it's clear that the discoveries of neuroscience can be very helpful to those who are grieving, especially when it comes to avoiding the pitfalls that lead to depression. With this in mind, what can we do to keep our minds healthy even during long periods of grief? Because neurogenesis and depression are incompatible states, reason compels us to pursue those activities that are known to increase neurogenesis. And "activity" is the operative word. Researchers suggest that this boils down to exercise in three key areas: The physical body: cardiovascular activity boosts levels of seratonin and endorphins which helps activate neurogenisis. The mind: active learning and engaged attention cause neurons to "fire and wire" together, especially when we step out of our comfort zone and challenge ourselves. And finally, but most important is the heart—or close personal relationships. The positive emotions we feel when relationships are working release neuromodulators that heighten and sustain brain plasticity. This process goes a long way toward helping us heal from trauma and loss, and toward protecting us from spiraling into severe depression. It's been a full year since I wrote about this subject in Give Sorrow More Than Words, but subsequent research has only underscored how important positive relationships are to those who are struggling with sorrow, depression, trauma or intense stress. Shakespeare was half right—giving sorrow words can be important—although some people prefer to keep their narrative to themselves. But deep sorrow needs more than words. The bereaved need the safety net of trusted and positive supporters who are willing to step around the walls put up by mobile phones and e-mail and reach out to touch someone in the old-fashioned way instead. For if there's one adage that applies to the bereaved and their supporters alike, it would be the tried and true "Actions speak louder than words." | 
